Of change

Every now and then I take a moment to look back and see what changed over the year. I had this moment just recently and I realized how much changed.

A year ago, I lost my best friend. I still don’t understand what happened. I liked him. I even slept over at his place. We could talk about anything and now, there is just silence. I remember the night we talked the last time, I mean really talked, not just chit chat. He thought I am into him and was not interested in dating me. The truth was and still is I never fall for him, I just could’t be alone. And I got scared. I was scared to admit I feel something. I was scared to fight for our friendship. And now I am left with one question. What did I did wrong?

Things change and the only thing we can do is move on because life does not wait for anybody and it will always go on.

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What do you want to do before you die?

With autumn rains, melancholy came to my life and made me think about most difficult thing in my life, about death. It’s been half year, since my mum died and it still hurts. It’s really difficult for me to talk about it, because if I say it load, it somehow becomes more real.

When it comes to death, we want to avoid it. We want to deny its existence and presence in this world. We want to close our eyes and pretend it is not there anymore. Why? I think, it’s because death is final and then life seems more serious. All of the sudden, you realize your time is limited and you can’t afford to waste it anymore.

This bring me to the very first question: What do you want to do before you die?

I want to live! I want to feel, see, hear. I want to be present and make the best out of every day. I want to smile and laugh and cry. I want every minute and every second to be worth it. I want the best of it and worst of it. I want to feel every emotion, positive and negative. I want to feel the pain after running, I want to feel the wind in my face. But what I want most is to love. Love everything what I’m doing and everyone whom I meet.

This is what I want and now it’s just up to you. You can do anything!