Best thing I never had

Years ago, I fell in love with you. I imagined how it would be if we were dating. If we were together. In that time, it seemed like the best thing that could happen. I thought that I wouldn’t be happier if we were a couple.

Today, I am looking at old photographs and I realize it is the best thing I never had. I realize how stupid and naive I was. I was very young and I believed that you are so good. I couldn’t be more wrong. You would have destroyed me. You would have taken my innocence. You would have destroyed my dreams and changed my future.

Now I can say you turned out to be the best thing I never had and I am the best thing you never had.

What seemed like disaster at the time is now the best thing that never happened. So don’t be sad when something does not happen. Maybe it is not meant for you. And I believe something even better might be waiting for you. Just believe.

P.S. this is inspired by Beonce’s song Best thing I never had which I love so much.

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Beauty and the beast

I am sure everyone know famous story about Belle and the price who is cursed to be beast until he finds someone who would love him. 

She is beautiful and kind. He is proud and angry. But they find way how to be together.

For me it’s more than just a love story.

It’s also about huge brave, when Belle decided to stay with the beast instead of her father. When she is different than everyone else in her village and even dares to read books or say no to Gaston. But not only Belle was brave. The beast was too. When he was able to let go Belle without knowing if she returns. This teaches us that you can’t own anyone you love. You can’t make them love, but you must give them a choice.

It’s about sacrifice, when the beast decided to save Belle from wolves even if it meant he would die. When he let Belle to leave for her father even if that meant he won’t be able to break the spell. He put her interest above his own. That much he loved her.

It’s about friendship, when Belle meets Mr. Clock and Mr. Candle Holder and Mrs. Wardrobe. They are there for her all the time and supports her and she saves them. Also they had amazing friendships. They sticked together during hard times and suffering and that’s how you know your friendship is strong.

And finally, it teaches us how important love is. Love can set us free from our own “beast” we carry inside. It can heal us and turn us into humans again.

We never learn, do we?

We never learn, do we? We will do same things over and over again. We will let same thing to hurt us. 

I wanted to be smarter. I wanted to just be me. Single. But… Life (or maybe love) happened. I fell for his smile immediately. Almost same smile I fell for years ago. Also name is same.

Only thing that is different is me. I changed. I learned. I am not falling in love as I did years ago, because I already know consequences. One broken heart and I am sure that heart won’t be his but mine.

Have I learned properly?

Of pictures.

I really love art. All forms of it. Music, theater, painting, films, …. The truth is, I can’t live without art. I surrounds me in every way possible. Furthermore, I love creating. I like to create new things. I love to create whole worlds. (Just in my head, of course.)

Five years ago, I met this guy. He seemed perfect. He was handsome, funny, smart. It took me just one heartbeat to fall in love with him. And from this moment I started to paint me own picture of him. Over time I was taking parts of him I liked and then I added so many details myself. I wasn’t seeing real him anymore, I just saw the picture I created.

I loved this illusion for such a long time. In my dreams, he was perfect. And then, reality came in. I don’t understand how, but one day I was with him and I could see real him. And he was so different. He changed. He is not the guy I fell in love with. Te picture was destroyed.

The only thing I know, I must let him go, because I deserve better than this.

Few minutes is enough

Sometimes few minutes are more than weeks, even months. Sometimes few minutes are just enough.

There is this guy I fell in love. I was worrying about it literally for month. I was asking questions if he is the one, if he is worth it. I was even crying and depressed. So I was thinking a lot about it. I was thinking if I should let him go because I AM worth more than just waiting for him. I was overthinking everything. His look, his smile, his “hello”.

And just now I suddenly stopped. I stopped thinking about it. I just was there. With him, looking at him and I realized how much I like him. Even if it might hurt. He is worth it.

And what I realized is that when you love someone you should always be yourself. And if he likes real you, you will be together. (Or not, I don’t know.)