13 reasons why

It all started with death. And it ended with death. But why?

If you watches the serial you know there are totally 13 reasons but I want to talk only about last 5 because they were the most serious. 

Reason number 9:

We all do mistakes. The point is not to don’t make mistakes but to be able to face consequences. But sometimes you are not the one who should take responsibility. But your friend. You often take burden which does not belong to you. You feel responsible but you are not the one who should fight. Everyone is only responsible for his own actions.

You can’t blame yourself for everything that happens. I believe everything has reason and you can’t win over destiny or God, call it how you want.

Reason number 10:

Sometimes you can do literally nothing to protect your friend. You watch them suffer but you can’t do anything. You feel helpless. You feel guilty. You are asking over and over again what you could do differently. And would it make any difference?

Reason number 11: 

He loved her all the time but was too scared to tell her. She loved him too but maybe too much. It just happens that we hurt those who we love the most. You don’t want to get hurt, so you build walls and you push away everyone who might actually care. Because what if he sees true yourself. What if he sees how fragile you are? What if he sees you love him and just don’t care? Or what if you just have bad experience and want to protect yourself…

Reason number 12:

This one is really hard. I can’t imagine. To be taken away your innocence. Not be able to fight back. To feel empty and lost.

People will hurt you. Some more than the other. But it says nothing about you. About your value.

Reason number 13:

You might think you are alone. But the truth is there is always, ALWAYS, at least one person who cares. Who listens. Who is always there for you. I know it can be hard to actually open up and talk but it is only way.

And please, keep your eyes open. For your friends who might struggle but are too scared to talk about it. Please, don’t look away. Try to talk to them. You might be only one.

P.S. This is dedicated to my friend you saved me. Thank you.

What do you want to do before you die?

With autumn rains, melancholy came to my life and made me think about most difficult thing in my life, about death. It’s been half year, since my mum died and it still hurts. It’s really difficult for me to talk about it, because if I say it load, it somehow becomes more real.

When it comes to death, we want to avoid it. We want to deny its existence and presence in this world. We want to close our eyes and pretend it is not there anymore. Why? I think, it’s because death is final and then life seems more serious. All of the sudden, you realize your time is limited and you can’t afford to waste it anymore.

This bring me to the very first question: What do you want to do before you die?

I want to live! I want to feel, see, hear. I want to be present and make the best out of every day. I want to smile and laugh and cry. I want every minute and every second to be worth it. I want the best of it and worst of it. I want to feel every emotion, positive and negative. I want to feel the pain after running, I want to feel the wind in my face. But what I want most is to love. Love everything what I’m doing and everyone whom I meet.

This is what I want and now it’s just up to you. You can do anything!